We Ate It, So You Don't Have To: Cheetos Mac N' Cheese

 Dave: So, when I saw that Cheetos was making mac & cheese, my first thought was "I'm going to try this and it is going to be gross."

Wren: My first thought when I saw the boxes in our cupboard was, "I'm not surprised, but I am disappointed."

Dave: And here's the thing. This is disappointing, but not in the ways you'd expect. These are 5.9 oz. boxes emblazoned with the picture of Cheetah Tom Waits. The flavors are "Bold & Cheesy," "Cheesy Jalapeno," and "Flamin' Hot." Each has "yeast extract" fairly high up the list, and a surprising list of powder cheeses. Wren, do you have anything before we get to the taste test?

Wren: Look, I've been living in fear and awe of these boxes since they entered the house. Let's get to it.

We prepared each according to the boxed instructions, although we used heavy whipping cream instead of the standard milk. Why not give these powders their best chance to shine? We also cooked all the noodles from all three boxes together, which somehow gave us slightly too many noodles? Anyway, when all was said and done we had three bowls: one vibrantly orange, one weirdly orange-green, and one aggressively red.

Dave: Vibrant Orange is Bold & Cheesy. This is where we started taste testing with what was presented to us as the neutral flavor. My tasting notes are:

    Nose: Bottom of a bag of Cheetos
    Mouth: Generic mac & cheese
    Aftertaste: Chemicals

As far as I'm concerned, this is a basic "okay" boxed mac & cheese. Is it Annie's Cheddar Bunnies? No. Is it Clancy's Legally Distinct From "PASTA" and "we can't call this cheese?" Also...no.

Wren: This is definitely the mac & cheese that, if someone said, "I want mac & cheese, but also Cheetos? I'm going to just pour milk into a bowl of Cheetos and heat it up, call it done" I would say...yeah, sure, that's an approximate experience.

Not bad, not great...but 100% what I expected.

We moved next to the Cheesy Jalapeno.

Dave: This was a pleasant surprise as both the cheese and the jalapenos are more on display in this box. If someone said "I need to try one of the Cheetos Macs 'N Cheeses, which should I try?" this is where I'd steer them.

    Nose: Chili Cheese Frito's Curls
    Mouth: Spicy Nacho Cheese
    Aftertaste: Chemicals, but not that bad

Wren: The cheese blend is more complex, for starters - cheddar, romano, monterey jack, parmesan and blue cheese to Bold & Cheesy's cheddar and far-down-the-list, also-ran blue cheese. The jalapeno is also clearly dehydrated powdered jalapenos, giving the mix a less chemical taste.

Dave: And now, if you're ready to be disappointed - it's time to talk about Flamin' Hot. Everything about this writes checks the flavor can't cash. Is it particularly flavorful? No. Is it particularly spicy? No. Does it feel like I could eat more than a few spoons without getting indigestion? Also no.

    Nose: Chemicals
    Mouth: Hot, but neither pleasantly or amusingly so
    Aftertaste: Chemicals

Wren: The flavor does build upon return forkfuls, but you kind of have to get past the first one, which is mediocre enough to make you not bother. It is a very fun shade of red, though.

Now that we'd tried each flavor individually, it was time to do some experiments.

Experiment #1: Mixing Flavors

Wren: My favorite flavor combo was probably Cheesy Jalapeno and Flamin' Hot. By this point, it may have just been the sodium talking, but I thought the jalapeno made the Flamin' Hot more interesting, and the Flamin' Hot added more fun pepper flavor to the mix. I was surprised by how good the combo of Flamin' Hot and Bold & Cheesy was: somehow, whatever "natural flavors" gave the Flamin' Hot their spices weirdly eradicated the chemical aftertaste of the Bold & Cheesy. Like a pickleback shot, but with mac & cheese!

Dave: Everything gets pretty okay when you mix all the flavors in a big bowl. Spicy, flavorful, and cheesy start to coalesce when everything is together - or possibly it's a weird Cheetos Stockholm Syndrome. 

Each box invites you to Cheetos Mac Hack (#CheetosMacHack) and top the mac & cheese your way, so that's what we did next.

    Bold & Cheesy with Honey Mustard Chicken and Smoked Pineapple

Wren: The smoked pineapple really made the bite: the sweetness and acidity cut pleasantly through the salty cheese flavor.

Dave: The toppings did the heavy lifting here. I'd happily top any boxed Mac n' Cheese with this combo.

    Cheesy Jalapeno with Pork Ribs and Hatch Valley Salsa

Wren: This was probably my favorite. The fat of the pork ribs, the smoky heat of the hatch peppers...an excellent complement to what was already the most interesting mac & cheese of the bunch. I would consider bringing some version of this as a pasta salad to a very Midwestern picnic.

Dave: This definitely worked. The Hatch Chiles brought out a brightness from the jalapeno and the ribs added a fullness to the bite.

    Flamin' Hot with Andouille Sausage and Sriracha

Wren: Honestly? Sriracha did most of the heavy lifting here. I wouldn't call it a particularly subtle hot sauce, but after being faced with the very one-note heat of the Flamin' Hot Cheetos pasta, sriracha tasted like a spectrum of spice. Grilled Andouille sausage didn't hurt things, certainly, but having these elements over plain pasta wouldn't have been a downgrade.

Dave: All this bite did was make me wish for any allium flavor or real heat in the Flamin' Hot flavor. Did the garlic in the sausage and the heat from the sriracha improve things? Yes. Did the Cheetos flavor add anything at all? Not really.

Each box was $1.00 at Food For Less. No compensation was provided for this review.
 

Solo Mini-Post: Acorn Squash Queso

This recipe is a modified version of the Queso-ish Dip recipe from Thug Kitchen. I just want to give a big shout out to our friends Jeff and Aireen for turning us on to this amazing source for a surprising number of vegan recipes with a surprising number of vulgarities. You can check out the original recipe here: http://www.thugkitchen.com/butternut_squash_queso

Hey everybody! Dave here. I just wanted to do a quick mini post. It's one of those recipes that I have gotten singularly obsessed with and just keep making, recommending to people and, of course, eating. So, in the interest of having the recipe written down in an easily accessible place, here it it is: Acorn Squash Queso Dip. This is one of those "substitution" recipes that I vastly prefer to the item it is replacing. I've used this as a dip on its own, as a topping for nachos, and stirred into chili con queso. In each case, I thought it was tremendous. The texture and flavors were perfect, and the main ingredient is relatively cheap and plentiful.

Ingredients:

One Medium Acorn Squash
1 Cup Vegetable Broth
1/3 Cup Pico De Gallo
1/2 Cup Nutritional Yeast Flakes
2 Tbsp All Purpose Flour
3 Tbsp Vegetable Oil
2 Tsp Cumin
2 1/2 tsp Chili Powder
1 Tbsp Smoked Hungarian Paprika
1 10 oz Can of Diced Tomatoes and Green Chilies

Procedure:

Chop the Acorn Squash, scoop out the seeds and steam it for 12-15 minutes or until very soft

You don't have to attack it with a cleaver, but it's always an option

It's not a great day to be this squash

Discard the skin of the squash. Add the squash, the pico de gallo, the nutritional yeast and the vegetable broth to a blender and blend until very smooth.

The squash's day isn't getting any better...

In a medium sauce pan, heat the oil and add cumin, chili powder and paprika. As the spices begin to bloom, stir them briskly and add the flour.

That's right, we're making a roux!

When the flour takes on the consistency of a roux (think somewhere between toothpaste and Playdoh) add the entire can of tomatoes and chilies including the juices. Stir briskly for 30 seconds and reduce the heat to low.

Not the most appetizing part of the recipe, honestly

Slowly add the acorn squash mixture while stirring (also slowly). Gradually bring the heat up to high until the mixture begins to bubble. Remove the pan from the heat and let sit. It should thicken considerably as it cools.

Sweet Potato Chips and Squash Queso. NOTHING IS AS IT SEEMS!!

July 8--Pizza Monkey Bread and Beer Floats

Dave: So, we're back after a long hiatus for work and moving. It's been a fantastic year and there have been many changes in the Sweeney household.

Lauren: Probably of greatest importance to this blog, a new house and a bigger kitchen!

Dave: Not to mention a backyard and a basement. Beyond that, we've also started using Google Reader, which leads us to today's recipe.

Lauren: Between StumbleUpon and Google Reader, Dave and I managed to come upon nearly the same recipe: a savory Monkey Bread.

Dave: Interestingly enough, the savory Monkey Bread is extremely similar to the Market Day brand Pizza Dippers Lauren and I both enjoyed as children (despite them having close to 300% of the daily recommended dose of sodium.)

Lauren: Oh, what deliciousness. I still refuse to look up how many calories half of one of those have (I always split one with my brother, and extremely reluctantly at that). This is even better, though: no pizza cutter required.

Dave: This recipe, inspired by the famous brunch treat monkey bread, is a fantastic pull-apart version of pepperoni pizza. While we're talking about childhood treats, we've also put a grown-up spin on root-beer floats.

Lauren: No, not floats made with root beer Schnapps (gross) - ice cream floats made with beer. Yeah, that's right: beer. They're delicious, too.

Dave: The trick is pairing the right beer with the right ice cream. We've been experimenting with Hefeweizen and black-cherry ice cream, but tonight we made Kolsch and pineapple-coconut ice cream floats and they are fantastic! It is worth noting that the idea for beer floats came from The Chicago Diner and the blog post that came across my Reader Roll and Lauren's StumbleUpon was The Foodie Bride.

Pizza Monkey Bread

44 oz. pizza dough (We used Whole Foods pre-made for this recipe, but you could also use our from-scratch recipe: http://couplescook.blogspot.com/2010/06/june-14th-sausage-and-spinach-pizza.html)

5 leaves of basil, fresh

5 oz. mozzarella, cubed

8 oz. package vegan pepperoni (we used Yves. If you're in more of a sausage pizza mood, I recommend Upton's Naturals Italian Sausage-Style Seitan.)

Marinara sauce for dipping (Newman's Own works well, or you can make it from scratch if you have the time)

3 Tbs. butter

2 cloves garlic, thinly sliced

Preheat oven to 400.

In a small saucepan, melt butter over low heat. Add garlic and saute lightly until aromatic. Remove from heat.

Layer basil leaves, then roll them into a tight spiral. Cut spiral into 1/4" strips. (Point of interest: this technique is called chiffonade, and was taught to Dave by his father-in-law.) Set aside.

With well-floured hands, pull off enough dough to make a circle about 2" wide (the best way to do this is to roll the bit of dough into a ball first, then smoosh it).

Place pepperoni on the dough circle, basil on the pepperoni, then top off with a piece of mozzarella.

Bring edges of dough over the ingredient stack and pinch to seal.

Brush both sides of the ball with the garlic butter, then place in a loaf pan.

Repeat process until loaf pan is full. Top with any remaining ingredients.

Bake for 15 minutes. Lower oven temperature to 350 F and cook for another 15 minutes, or until bread is firm.

Let stand cool for 5 minutes. Serve with warmed marinara.

Beer Float

This is a fun one to experiment with. If you find any winning flavor combinations, PLEASE share them with us!

Ingredients:

1 Bottle of Beer (Lighter flavors seem to work well. We've had success with 312, Goose Island Summer and Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat.)

2 Scoops of Ice Cream (Fruit flavors or vanilla seem to work best.)

Pour the beer into a pint glass. Do your best to have as little "head" on the beer as possible.

Scoop the ice cream into the beer and top with a cherry (for whimsy)

Consume quickly, as the beer will foam up immediately.

Hiatus?

Lauren: So you may have noticed we haven't been posting much. Mostly, we haven't been cooking together since a) I started working evenings again and b) we've refocused our energies on the project of which we're two-thirds: DreamLogic Theatreworks. However, we've managed to put together a couple beauties in the intervening months.


Green Bean Casserole, Brussels sprouts and Spaghetti Squash


100% From Scratch Pumpkin Pie (with leaf pie cutter shapes)

I'm getting hungry just remembering them! No time for recipes now, but definitely soon.

August 14th--Scott Pilgrim Vs the World Vegan Shepherd's Pie

Dave: Lauren and I just went to see the movie version of Bryan Lee O'Malley's Scott Pilgrim Vs the World. It didn't make it into the movie, but one of the cool things about the comics is that there are instructions on how to do things in the real world.

Lauren: Yeah, and not just on stuff like "how to have a successful relationship with a girl whose evil exes are trying to kill you." Music/tabs are included for a couple of the songs that the characters play in the books, and there's also a recipe for vegan shepherds pie. Guess which part we're going to be trying out tonight!

Dave: No, we're not starting a band. We're going to try out O'Malley's recipe for Vegan Shepherd's Pie. Of course, we're going to need to make just a few alterations for it to fit our personal preferences. For one, O'Malley (using the mouthpiece of Sex Bob-Omb lead singer and guitar player Stephen Stills) calls for uniformly cut vegetables in the filling of his pie and I prefer to cut each ingredient slightly differently to highlight variations in flavor and consistency. For another, we added potato and clam shell mushrooms to the filling because that sounded like it would taste good.

Lauren: Also, for full disclosure, we added cheddar to the top of ours, returning it to the land of lacto-ovo vegetarianism (for those of you familiar with Scott Pilgrim, we are okay with the fact that 90% of our brains are filled with curds and whey). However, a melty un-cheese like Teese shredded over the top would have a similar effect, thus leaving you able to punch craters in the moon at will.

Here are the directions:

Product Review- Cambozola Black Label

Dave: Hey gang! Welcome to our first food review. We don't normally do reviews of ingredients because we like our finished products to stand for themselves but sometimes there is an ingredient or a cooking implement that deserves a post of its own. Today, that product is the Cambozola Black Label Brie by Champignon North America, Inc. This is a triple cream Brie with ribbons of Gorgonzola and it is rich.

Lauren: Full disclosure - we like Brie. Any Brie. A LOT. On occasion, we like to treat ourselves to a brie and butter sandwich (a snack I first made for my high school graduation party because I had seen the Horne brothers share one on Twin Peaks. Yeah...I was a weird kid). This Brie does not need the butter: in fact, if I didn't know it was cheese, I might think it was butter.

I was a bit worried about the Gorgonzola ribbon, as I am not a huge fan of blue cheeses. Fortunately, it didn't overpower the Brie, but provided some nice counterpoints of bite and texture to the creaminess.

Dave: We spread the brie on some very hearty 12 Grain and Seed bread just to cut the richness a bit. I might try the next bit with a small amount of local artisan honey (courtesy of Mr. Jack Schuler of Crabtree Farm.) Today we served the cheese with a side order of chilled hami melon to add some sweetness.

We haven't tried the Cambozola Blue Label (which unlike Johnny Walker is a step down from the Black Label) but we definitely give this cheese a hearty endorsement.

Where to find it: Whole Foods, or at Champignon North America, Inc.'s website.

July 23--Seitan Steaks

Dave: Well, it seemed about time to make our own seitan. Now, don't get me wrong, we still love Upton's Naturals and their fine family of products (www.uptonsnaturals.com). It just seemed that we should take matters into our own hands when it came to things like...steak. Why has no one made a decent vegetarian steak?

Lauren: I 100% agree. Cutlets? Check. Roasts? Check. Nuggets? Wings? Burgers? Check, check and check. Steak? *cue crickets*

Seitan seemed the logical medium for a vegan steak, but I'd always heard how hard it was to make one's seitan (took forever, hard to do, etc.). As it turned out, all it took was an hour and a medium amount of attention.

Dave: Honestly, I'm a bit surprised just house easy it is to make faux meat. This could mean the creation of our own vegan honey roast ham...our own vegan prosciutto, even.

Now, the seitan doesn't have the exact consistency of steak; it's much closer to chicken. The people over at Edward & Sons have made a perfect vegan beef bouillon which gives the seitan an excellent flavor. With the addition of a little Liquid Smoke the whole thing tastes like it was cooked over a nice coal fire.

Lauren: Incidentally, I did need a steak knife to eat it...but in a good way. The consistency was definitely that of seitan (and definitely not that of steak - at least, from what I remember), but I bet it'd hold up to a real grill. Plus, it tasted divine.

Dave: I can't help but admit that the addition of fried onions and mushrooms helped.

Seitan Steaks:

1 Cup Vital Wheat Gluten

3/4 Cup Warm Tap Water

Mix the gluten and water by hand in a large bowl. Knead the dough well, until it is rubbery and easy to shape. Separate the gluten into two steaks and place on a lightly floured surface.

Simmer (not boil!) in broth for 40 minutes or until liquid has evaporated.

Broth:

3 Cups Water

2 Edward & Sons "Not-Beef" Bouillon

1 Tsp Liquid Smoke (Note: If using an outdoor grill, omit Liquid Smoke.)

Boil the water and dissolve the bouillon in it. Add the liquid smoke and reduce to a simmer.

Grilled Steaks:

Grill the steaks on an indoor grill until they turn uniformly brown and grill marks appear.

Steak toppings:

1 Red onion, diced

6 Button Mushrooms, sliced

Cook the onion and mushrooms in the same dish used to boil the seitan. Cook until mushrooms and onion are soft.

Serve with green beans, or veggie of choice.